Jack: Why would he leave Bass Industries to you, a teenager who can't his pecker in his pants for more than 24 hours.Chuck: At least I can keep it in service for more than five minutes.
• Season 2, Episode 15: "Gone with the Will" • Rating: 9.7 / 10 • Permalink
Chuck: I owe you a lot, Jack, you saved my life when I didn't want it to be saved.
Jack: Well, you noticed that Thai waitress I was going to take home the other night had a penis, so we're even.
• Season 2, Episode 15: "Gone with the Will" • Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Nate: [on Bart's letter] Aren't you curious what it says?
Chuck: I think I can guess. You're a disappointment of a son; I'd die of embarrassment if I hadn't already; why do you wear so much purple?
• Season 2, Episode 15: "Gone with the Will" • Rating: 9.7 / 10 • Permalink
Jack: I hope you don't mind. I let myself in.
Chuck: I've made my decision, Jack.
Jack: I know. And I owe you an apology. The fact is you're Bart's son. And it is your rightful place.
Chuck: Your blessing means a lot to me.
Jack: Good. Now before we start spooning I want to take you out tonight, to properly celebrate.
• Season 2, Episode 15: "Gone with the Will" • Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Chuck: I'm having dinner with Blair.
Jack: Reschedule Blair.
Chuck: I can't. She's been a good friend to me.
Jack: The last time I had a friend like that I wind up with gonorrhea.
Chuck: Suprex?
Jack: Rocephin.
• Season 2, Episode 15: "Gone with the Will" • Rating: 9.7 / 10 • Permalink
Blair: The circumstances are most extenuating. Can we forgive it this one time?
Headmistress Queller: (to Chuck) Would you promise me that nothing like this will ever happen again?
Chuck: (pulls out joint, lights it) For you, Headmistress, anything. Everyone, it's been a pleasure.
• Season 2, Episode 14: "In the Realm of the Basses" • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Chuck: Uncle Jack, what a surprise. How've you been?
Jack: Uh-huh, so I take it you don't remember our rickshaw ride down Selon Road? The 15-hour flight?
Chuck: ... that was you?
• Season 2, Episode 14: "In the Realm of the Basses" • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Jack: What seems to be the problem?
Headmistress Queller: I found Charles smoking marijuana on school property.
Chuck: Hash, actually. I find it gives a smoother high.
Jack: Sounds to me like the evidence is questionable.
• Season 2, Episode 14: "In the Realm of the Basses" • Rating: 9.8 / 10 • Permalink
Chuck: [to Dan] It's done as soon as you tell her... Sharing a sibling is a bit much, even for me.
• Season 2, Episode 14: "In the Realm of the Basses" • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Eric: How was Thailand?
Chuck: I honestly don't remember.
Eric: You should come home, Chuck.
Chuck: I think I'll take the view from above. It was nice having you as my little brother.
• Season 2, Episode 14: "In the Realm of the Basses" • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 247
